Disappointed

a poem of the growing pains of a seven year old

Disappointed
I see it son
In your deep green grey eyes
Through the lens of my love for you
As you take quick glimpses of screens
Offering you all but temporary refuge
From what you feel
When did you start wanting a bigger family and lament your loneliness and be so…Disappointed 

Concerned
I see it son
Weighing heavily on your shoulders
Resting on your strong and slender body
With longing for your mother
Something tells you something is not right
Wait
When did you grow up so tall and caring and so…
Disappointed

Sad
I see it son
As you bury your head in my lap
Holding back choking tears
Realizing deep loss
Of not having either grandfather
Wait
When did you grow up to know death and loss and melancholy but not be so…
Disappointed 

Deep empathy
I see it in you son
Though words of comfort for your dad
To hold on
To weather the thunderstorms, floods, and tornadoes 
To say everything will be alright
Wait
When did you become my refuge from afar without a hint of being…
Disappointed 

You quickly turn to your screen
Distraction dissolves all
But not the knot in your stomach
Nor mine
Wait when did you learn the ways of absence and mindlessness
Is that how it all began for me
So early
So young
Ever so insidiously 

O son I feel you as you take your journey
Seven years in
So much unwritten
So much unfinished
So many firsts
So much can change
Save for one
In you, I shall never be 
Disappointed