Losing Family
What have I done?
I’ve looked at the lifeline
Stared it right in the face
As it’s pulling me into safety
From the violent ocean of my mind
Into the refuge of family
And I pulled a knife
Dull with mindlessness
Sharp with stupidity
I cut that line
And dove into the deep of the lost
Like nothing was going to happen
I’ve been wandering ever since
Waiting for the stars to align
And the storm calmed down
Like it always does
And in my hands
Were weapon and victim
The hands that signed that contract
With the devil
To sell my soul
And in my hands
Were the dying roots of my family
I uprooted my whole family
Away from my family
Away from their lifeline
And transplanted them into poor cold soil
No
I transplanted them into poor cold soul
In the quietness of the aftermath
I realize
I’ve been grieving
Grief
For my family
For the family that I chose
For the family that chose me back
And now I’m my own judge and jury
Guilty your honor
Of the greatest crime
All because I felt under appreciated
Under loved
Filled with hate
Filled with resentment
Filled with self-loathing
And all I can think of is
Get me out of this godforsaken place
Existential crisis
And instead of buying an expensive car?
Oh yeah move across the country
Leave your family behind